Tom Brady, Call Me Maybe
He sort of sings this hit for his many fans, thanks to the hard work by one of his many special fans.
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Morning Bytes's posts tagged New England Patriots
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Say, Is Rob Gronkowski The Next "Jersey Shore" Star?
It sure looks like he could fit himself in nicely.
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What's More Fun Than Watching Patriot Fans Suffer?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Even Gisele took it better than this.
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Recapping The Super Bowl Action
With the help of clips from Any Given Sunday and Friday Night Lights. This is what happens when you don't own rights to the actual replays.
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The Greatest Super Bowl Tribute Ever
Comes from Taiwanese animators. This might be their best effort yet.
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Twitterverse Revels In Patriots' Suffering
So that’s that. Eli Manning struck a blow for little brothers everywhere. The Hooded Devel and Tom Terrific failed to win another Super Bowl.
New York City celebrated. New England wept. And this is what folks typed on Twitter after the New York Football Giants closed out the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl.Here is the sampling:
Jason McIntyre: “Tom Brady: 3 Super Bowl wins pre-Gisele. 0 Super Bowl wins with Gisele. #ItmeansNothing #Relax #JetsFan.”
Sports Pickle: “Do you prefer Giseleko Ono or Yoko Bundchen?”Rain Wilson: “All those Patriots Superbowl XLVI CHAMPIONS hats & shirts are already on their way to the Congo.”
The Fake ESPN: “Giants ‘We're Going To DisneyWorld!’ Patriots ‘We're Going to Haiti To Hand Out Misprinted T-shirts!’”Eric Stangel: “Eli Manning has more #SuperBowl rings than Peyton Manning, Dan Marino, Dan Fouts, Fran Tarkenton & Jim Kelly combined.”
Clay Travis: “Love Brandon Jacobs saying, ‘We decapitated them,’ of the Patriots while holding a son in each arm.”
Drew Magary: “Tom Coughlin is laughing on TV right now and you can tell that it's causing him pure ANGUISH.”
Steve Rushin: “Not saying Tom Coughlin is the oldest coach in the NFL, but Betsy Ross sewed his challenge flag.”
Mark Cuban: “Good teams make the playoffs, the hot team wins the championship.”
Todd Behrendt: “They seriously need to disinfect the Lombardi Trophy before they give it to the Giants.”
Jon Heyman: “Sure, Eli had his day. But by tomorrow, brother Peyton will be back as the Manning in the headlines.”
Sports Pickle: “Five more Super Bowls and Eli may edge past Cooper to become Archie and Olivia's 2nd favorite son.”
Darren Rovell: “Manning's marketing guy Alan Zucker had to be cringing with that Chevy Corvette presentation. Eli gets paid by Toyota.”
Jennifer Floyd Engel: “Would have been funny if Eli had said he was leaving the car so his bro could get the hell out of town and away from Irsay.”
Sports Pickle: “Awkward. Eli only has his learner's permit.”
Ross Tucker: “Eli has the facial hair of a 13-year old.”
Les Carpenter: “I just got run over by Gisele. There are worse ways to make a living.”
Drew Magary: “Mario Manningham HAD THE SECOND LUCKIEST CATCH EVAHHHH! NO ONE DENIES THIS.”
Jeff Passan: “Wes Welker: drop. Aaron Hernandez: drop. Deion Branch: drop. Chad Ochocinco: catch. What the hell?”
Sports Pickle: “Welker could catch better if his hands weren't covered in grit and scraps.”
Joe Posnanski: “The Drive ... The Immaculate Reception ... The Catch ... And finally: The Reluctant Touchdown.”
Dale Murphy: “Craziest thing . . . Never seen a guy so sad after scoring a TD in the Super Bowl . . .”
Eric Stangel: “Patriots let Giants score. Sometimes I tell myself that's what my Chargers do . . .”
Awful Announcing: “The next Smash commercial may be the one that causes me to throw the TV out the window.”
Steve Young: “Giants have too many men on the field. Damn you, world overpopulation!”
Sports Pickle: “Woodhead, Welker, Edelman ... good luck on that Hail Mary! Maybe get some players above 5-foot-4.”
Darren Rovell: “The Giants win should ensure that Vegas will lose $ just like they did in 2008. Longshot Giants odds of as much as 100/1 in midseason.”
Onion Sports Network: “BREAKING: Super Bowl Ends As NBC Runs Out Of Commercials To Air.”
Sports Pickle: “Brady has really gotten good at throwing deep interceptions.”
Tripping Olney: “TOM BRADY WILL NOW GO HOME TO HIS SUPERMODEL WIFE. TOUGH LUCK FOR HIM.”
Richard Deitsch: “And how's your night going, Rex Ryan?”
Mike Wilbon: “Seeing Bill Belichick humbled really is great, especially after cutting a player the night before the Super Bowl . . .”
Gregg Doyel: “Alex Silvestro, the DL signed after Belichick released Underwood last night, didn't play. Typical.”
Sports Pickle: “Hope you enjoyed those 4 days of relaxed, happy Belichick.”
The Fake ESPN: “We hope the Bengals smoke weed and the Raiders assault some people in the offseason or we'll have to start watching hockey for material.”
Rain Wilson: “Aaron Hernandez's sleeve tattoos read 'loser' in seven different languages!”
Steve Young: “Despite the loss, Newt Gingrich is claiming the Patriots won't drop out.”
The Fake ESPN: “Can we please get back to Tim Tebow already?!” -
Scribes Ponder Bill Belichick's Evil Genius
New England coach Bill Belichick inspires fear and loathing in the professional football industry. He is the Dark Lord of the Gridiron, wearing a ratty hoodie and a perpetual scowl on the sideline while plotting his next unpopular triumph.
Sports pundits are taking turns pondering Belichick’s mystique during Super Bowl week in Indianapolis. Perhaps seeking to throw the scribes off their game, the dour tactician showed his human side while yukking it up during his initial media sessions.
This got the media’s attention:
Alex Marvez, FoxSports.com: “Four years ago, the Patriots arrived for Super Bowl XLII tighter than a Tom Brady spiral. Belichick’s first news conference was filled with questions about New England’s quest for a perfect season and his quarterback’s then-gimpy ankle. Those topics were as pleasant for Belichick to talk about as the lingering stink of the Spygate scandal from earlier in the 2007 season. Compared to then, Belichick was downright jovial when meeting with Super Bowl XLVI media for the first time in Indianapolis.”
Mike Reiss, ESPN.com: “He likes this team. That is one conclusion that can be definitively drawn at Super Bowl XLVI, where New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick has been relaxed, engaging and humorous over the past two days. There have been a lot of smiles in his daily news conferences. If there has been a consensus among media types after listening to Belichick talk about everything from injuries -- yes, injuries -- to his background and influences in the game, it's this: Who kidnapped the old Belichick and replaced him with this one?”
Gregg Rosenthal, NBCSports.com: “Perhaps he’s just getting mellow as he gets older, but we doubt it. Everything Belichick does and says has a purpose. He may have received some feedback or realized that his team was a little tight before the Super Bowl four years ago.”
But the Dark Lord is still the Dark Lord, as veteran football scribes observed:
Jerry Izenberg, Newark Star-Ledger: “His rhetoric falls a couple of light years short of Patrick Henry. He throws interesting quotes around as though they were manhole covers. But he is not running for the coaching equivalent of Mr. Congeniality. Belichick’s emotions are as easy to read as tea leaves at the bottom of a cup of Mississippi Delta mud. Watch him on the sidelines, bundled up in a dull, colorless sweat shirt, his face as frozen and emotionless as if it had just escaped from Mount Rushmore, staring at the 100-yard morality play before him like he were squinting through a foggy day in London Town.”
Ron Borges, Boston Herald: “On the sidelines one turns red while the other seems perpetually gray. That may be the biggest difference between Tom Coughlin and Bill Belichick, and perhaps the only one that separates them on a football field or in a meeting room. Outwardly, Coughlin is a boiling cauldron of emotions, slamming down his headset or play sheets when things go awry while Belichick stands stoically, his face and emotions hidden deep inside the shadowy folds of his signature hoodie. Belichick is Mt. Rushmore to Coughlin’s Mt. Vesuvius.”
CRUMMY EFFORT OF THE NIGHT
Illinois and Michigan State set Big Ten basketball back three decades Tuesday night as the Illini squeezed out a 42-41 victory.
The Spartans shot just 24.1 percent from the floor and nearly won. Illinois shot slightly better at 32.6 percent. Illini standout Brandon Paul suggested there was too much air in the basketball and coach Bruce Weber was forced to call on higher powers to help get shots to drop.
“When the shots go up, I just say, `Please, God, let it go in,”’ Weber said. “Some of the shots just sat in there and then popped out.”
FROM THE TWEETDECK
Gary Parrish: “I have dozed off three times during this Michigan State-Illinois game. Every time I wake up the score is basically the same.”
Peter Schrager: “The Kris Humphries paradox continues. Played great tonight in a Nets loss. Makes me cringe with douche chills an hour later on E!”
Darren McCarty: “Final rumor clarification of the nite b4 I sign off. I never (went the distance with) Kim Kardashian. 1st 2nd or 3rd base - I won't admit or deny tho. Lmao!”
FROM THE BLOG-O-SPEAR
Clay Travis had this lament in Outkick the Coverage:
Every year Super Bowl parties bring together awkward groupings of people who are then forced to sit and watch a football game. Inevitably this drives me crazy. Primarily because I don’t understand why I should suddenly be forced to watch football games with people who haven’t bothered to watch a game all season. I mean, is there any other event that celebrates idiocy more? For instance, I don’t feel compelled to show up in New York City and crash some Broadway actors Tony Awards party. You know why? Because I don’t like musicals and haven’t even seen a Broadway play in the past five years. But I respect the fact that for someone who enjoys the Tony’s, it would be sort of annoying for me to begin the night by saying, “I just don’t understand how anyone could ever like a musical.” Yet, somehow, people arrive at Super Bowl parties and say things like, “I just don’t understand why the teams don’t score more touchdowns. Pass me a Zima,” with absolute impunity. It’s lucky these parties only have plastic utensils.
Even worse than that these Super Bowl gatherings require small-talk, ginger ale, finger foods, awkward banter, excessive genuflection over sugar-free sugar cookies that someone made, insufficient supplies of beer and overly abundant Mike’s Hard Lemonade, poor seating options, and require you to listen to some guy explain what a first down is to his girlfriend with an IQ that would barely be sufficient to allow her to be executed were she to commit a murder. Basically the Super Bowl forces the legitimate football fan to be tortured for about four hours with people he or she wouldn’t even think of spending time with on any other sporting occasion. Essentially, a true football fan has three options when confronted with a Super Bowl gathering of football imbeciles, a. actually answer idiotic and rhetorical questions b. make everyone at the party uncomfortable by calling out the idiots and telling them to shut-up and c. doing your best to ignore the outrageous commentary and the idiots you are amongst. Regarding this, I’ve always thought it would be classic for someone to roll up for a Super Bowl party, sit down on the couch, and put on headphones to listen to the radio broadcast. -
Still Another Gronk Tribute From Patriot Nation
Keep them coming, folks. Gronk catches the ball, Gronk scored TD, Kronk spikes the ball.
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The Gronk Dominates Super Bowl Week
Even when he is injured. The legend is furthered by this fine tribute.
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Ravens Choke Away AFC Title, Twitterverse Reacts
The AFC Championship Game gamed ended abruptly when Billy Cundiff yanked the would-be tying field goal after Lee Evans couldn’t hang onto the potential game-winning TD pass.
And there went Baltimore’s chance to upset the Patriots in New England and advance to the Super Bowl.
Here is how the Twitterverse reacted:
Steve Rushin: “Delighted for Tom Brady. About time life went his way.”
Adam Schefter: “Asked if he had played his last game with Baltimore, Ravens LB Ray Lewis said, ‘Absolutely not.’”The Fake ESPN: "Ray Lewis says he's not retiring and will return next season, as long as Billy Cundiff's murder isn't pegged on him."
S.K. Jensen: “Ravens Lee Evans: ‘It was an opportunity to go to the Super Bowl, and I let it go.’ He said he feels he let everyone down.
Jason Whitlock: “AFC Championship was a hot mess. I did not bet the game. That is not motivation for my comments. Things just made no sense.”
Todd Jones: “As if we needed confirmation that the Ravens used to be the Browns . . .”
Sports Pickle: “The Ravens probably had planned to get Harbaugh with the Gatorade shower. Instead they'll just drown Cundiff in it.”
The Fake ESPN: “There was so much hook in that Field Goal attempt that it actually reversed direction and hit Billy Cundiff in the face.”
Jason McIntyre: “Curious: Have we gotten a clear explanation why Lee Evans did NOT score? Looked like caught, 2 feet down, then stripped.”
Pro Football Talk: “From @MikePereira via text on Evans non-catch: ‘Clearly not a catch. . . . No need to review it because it was clearly incomplete.’”
Peter King: 1. “Should have been a booth review on the Evans end-zone drop. 2. Ravens should have used third TO before Cundiff miss.”
Peter Schrager: “Matt Birk was center for Gary Anderson's missed field goal in '98 NFC Champ Game. Was center for Cundiff tonight, too. 14 year pro, 0 SBs.”
Chris Vernon: “Billy Cundiff is still a Cowboy at heart.”
Trey Wingo: “Shank-a-Potamus!!!!!!!!!!!”
Nate Silver: “Congrats, you've just unlocked the Scott Norwood badge.”
Sports Pickle: “Scott Norwood is laughing his ass off right now. "I won't be thought of as the biggest choking kicker anymore. WOOHOO!"”
Jason McIntyre: “Tough not to like Tom Brady for that: ‘I sucked bad today.’”
Trey Wingo: “Steven Tyler in that hallway rug is really making this post game ceremony for me . . .”Gilbert Gottfried: "Steven Tyler 's toes. There, try to erase that picture from your mind."
Kurt Warner: “Wow! I am sick 4 the Ravens right now! I know the feeling! What a great game! Congrats 2 the Pats again! #fb”
Brandon Phillips: “#NFLPlayoffs WTF! DAMN U RAY FINKLE #LACESOUT lol, but it's sad that people are gonna worry bout the missed kick more than the dropped pass.”
Sports Pickle: “Losing in the playoffs? #ThatIsSoRavens”
Trey Wingo: “Joe Flacco deserved better.”
Ross Tucker: “Just remember, Flacco got the job done. Lee Evans & Billy Cundiff didn't.”
Sports Pickle: “Everyone in Buffalo: ‘Hey, there's Lee Evans being Lee Evans!’”
Clay Travis: “You know what I wish there was more of today? Reaction shots of Tom Brady on the sideline. This has to be a record.”
Jeff Passan: “I'd never hire anyone to do harm to someone else. But if I ever change my mind, my first phone call is going to Bernard Pollard.”
Trey Wingo: “When Tom Brady has nightmares, Bernard Pollard is in them.”
Jason McIntyre: “Who is Baltimore's QB and what have the Ravens done with Joe Flacco?”
The Fake ESPN: “Tom Brady has been floating balls throughout the 1st half, which is the same reason GQ gave for cutting his bathtub photo shoot.” -
Tebowmania Suffers Brutal Death, Twitterverse Reacts
Tom Brady was clearly miffed about Tim Tebow getting all that media attention. And Bill Belichick was obviously jacked up by the defensive challenge the unconventional Tebow presented his team.
Their response was swift, thorough and brutal. The Patriots ended the magical Broncos run with extreme prejudice, vividly exposing all of Tebow’s quarterback flaws in the process.
Here is how the pundits responded in the Twitterverse:
Jennifer Floyd Engel: “New England was better team, Brady better QB. Happens a lot as far as I can tell, hardly a final verdict on Tebow as QB in NFL.”
Gregg Doyel: “Can anyone name a Denver receiver besides Demaryius Thomas? Tebow playing with 2 WR tied behind his back.”
Sports Pickle: “Tebow is eliminated. Is there still an NFL season? Tune in tomorrow to find out.”Gilbert Gottfried: “Jesus heard the phone ringing, he said ‘Don't (freaking) tell me that's Tebow again!’”
Jeff Passan: “Hopefully Merriam-Webster updates its dictionary: ‘Tebow (verb) \Tē·bō\ 1: To bend on one knee and praise God. 2: To stink at football.’”
Les Carpenter: “Looks like the Patriots just cancelled Fantasy Island.”
Eric Stangel: “Tim Tebow. All he does is win... And lose...”Mike Wise: “It's literally Christmas for every idiot in my profession who said Tebow wouldn't amount to nothing. Poor bastards, it's all they live for.”
Jennifer Floyd Engel: “I weep for a sports world that celebrates the failings of a man whose biggest crime is profess what he believes. #tebowmelancholia.”
Clay Travis: “Newsflash: God REALLY loves Tom Brady.”
Brian Hoorn: “#Bradying - the act of throwing td's from the qb position.”
Chris Kluwe: “Tom's really bringing that whole ‘wrothful vengeance’ thing today. I think he's going to use the Plague of Locusts play next drive.”
Gregg Doyel: “Whether he throws another TD or not, Tom Brady goes home to Giselle. Which means he's running up the score.”
Sports Pickle: “With this outstanding performance, I can't imagine what outfit Brady will try to get away with postgame. Probably a miniskirt and tiara.”
Jeff Schultz: “Darth Belichick just reported that the Clone Army is ready.”
Gregg Doyel: “Belichick just has too many loaves of bread.”
Darren Rovell: “Rob Gronkowski was taken 17 picks after Tim Tebow in the 2010 Draft.”
Darren Rovell: “In 2 seasons, the Patriots have paid Rob Gronkowski a total of $3.36M. Tebow has earned more than $10M.”
Sports Pickle: “Does anyone have footage of Brady running the 40 at his NFL combine? I bet he ran 2 yards and then slid.”
Chad Finn: “I'm beginning to wonder whether Josh McDaniels was working on Patriots schemes and game plans his entire time in St. Louis.”
Sports Pickle: “Patriots must have seen something in last week's tape. ‘What if we don't have our safeties in the d-line? Okay. Film session dismissed!’”Sports Pickle: “If Bill O'Brien can find some extra NCAA eligibility for Tom Brady, Penn State will be tough to beat.”
Jeff Passan: “Every time Tebow gets pissed, I picture what he actually says. It's always either ‘Dang it!’, ‘Geez Louise!’, ‘Jiminy Cricket!’ or ‘Phooey!’
Rick Chandler: “This means Tebow is free to pair with Tiger Woods at PGA Humana Challenge next week. Wheee! (kill me).”
Eric Stangel: “We're about to coin a new phrase, America. "Quinn Time" #Broncos #Tebow.”
Richard Deitsch: “BREAKING: ESPN has traded Tim Tebow for LeBron James and a storyline to be determined in 2012.” -
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Bill Belichick Does Not Care For This Question
And dismisses it as only Bill Belichick. Don't bring that weak premise into his house!
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